Tag: negative behavior

The problem with “I Statements”

Picture this:

It is time for math.  The students have been given a couple of problems to solve on their own.  While the rest of the class is busy with those problems, Anne has stopped working.  She is sitting with her arms crossed and has a scowl on her face.  She is staring daggers at Ms. Jones.  Ms. Jones really wants Anne to get to work.  When the teacher says something to Anne, the student begins to mock her by mimicking what Ms. Jones has said.

What should Ms. Jones say or do now?

Many teachers would say, “Anne, knock it off!  You are supposed to be working on your math  Why aren’t you doing that?”

According to those who advocate for using “I Statements”, the teacher has just put Anne on the defensive by being accusing.  If Anne feels defensive, she is more likely to act out furthe.r  Instead, they believe Ms Jones should use an “I Statement.”

“I statements” are a way of communicating with others in terms of what the speaker is feeling  They are in opposition to making “You Statements”, statements like “Anne, you are supposed to be working with the group.”  “I Statements” are supposed to be less accusatory, and are supposed to help the speaker to get the listener to stop doing something because s/he now knows how that behavior affects the speaker.

When using an “I Statement,” the teacher should say something like, “Anne, I feel hurt and frustrated when you mimic what I say instead of working.”  If we take the statement apart we see that speaker has phrased his/her statement by telling the listener what the listener’s behavior has made the speaker feel, and has turned it around from accusing the listener to communicating what the speaker feels as a result of the listener’s behavior

The idea of using such statements evolved from the work of psychologist Carl Rogers (1902-1987).  He is credited with developing a sort of non-directive therapy.  One of his clients, Thomas Gordon (1918-2002), was influenced by this kind of therapy to develop a series of training programs:  Parent Effectiveness Training (PET), Leadership Effectiveness Training (LET), and Teacher Effectiveness Training (TET).

TET was introduced in 1965 as a way of helping teaching develop better teacher-student relationships.  In this training, teachers are taught to communicate with students by using “I Statements”.  The premise is that teachers communicate to students that they are not valued by using certain phrasings, and they can also communicate that they are valued.  During the 30 hour training programs, teachers are taught better understand student behavior and to to use active listening when dealing with a student who is acting out.  They are also taught to use “I Statements”

There are several very useful parts to TET training.  Active listening is an important skill for teachers when meeting with a student or parent in a one-to-one setting, or when talking to a parent on the phone.  However, it is very difficult to use when trying to calm an angry student who is threatening to throw a chair, or when working with an oppositional or defiant student.

Every child will have its good and bad days  A truly oppositional child is something different.  The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association, defines mental disorders like oppositional defiance.  The criteria listed in the DSM for diagnosing Oppositional-Defiant Disorder are symptoms that must have been happening for at least 6 months. The criteria include emotional and behavioral symptoms that last at least six months.  These are:

Angry and irritable mood:

  • Often and easily loses temper
  • Is frequently touchy and easily annoyed by others
  • Is often angry and resentful

Argumentative and defiant behavior:

  • Often argues with adults or people in authority
  • Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults’ requests or rules
  • Often deliberately annoys or upsets people
  • Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior

Vindictiveness:

  • Is often spiteful or vindictive
  • Has shown spiteful or vindictive behavior at least twice in the past six months

In addition, the DSM classifies ODD into three levels of severity  These are:

  • Mild Symptoms occur only in one setting, such as only at home, school, work or with peers.
  • Moderate Some symptoms occur in at least two settings.
  • Severe Some symptoms occur in three or more settings.

Levels of severity aside, a teacher with an oppositional student knows that it almost always feels “severe” when THAT student is arguing with him/her, is defiant, or deliberately annoying the teacher.

Let’s think a bit about Anne’s behavior.  Ms. Jones has tried to communicate with Anne’s parents, but these conversations have left her feeling that she’s made the situation worse because the parents have over-reacted, or the parents tell Ms Jones that nothing they do will change Anne’s behavior.  Anne’s previous teachers and other current teachers have labeled Anne “a challenge” for several years.  Her older brother behaved in a similar way.  A couple of the teachers said they just gave up on Anne because it seemed like nothing they did helped.

Anne hasn’t been diagnosed with ODD, but she seems to fit the profile – and that profile is daunting.

So the advocates of Teacher Effectiveness Training would suggest that when Anne starts mocking Ms Jones and refusing to do her math, Ms Jones should use an “I Statement” to communicate how the teacher feels when Anne mocks her.  The idea is that by knowing how one’s behavior makes the other person feel, the person will mend his/her ways because s/he doesn’t want the other person to feel bad or feel bad about him/her.

Here is my issue with “I Statements”.  In the situation described above, is there any indication that Anne cares what the teacher feels?  I would suggest that Anne probably does not particularly like Ms. Jones, or at least doesn’t like her at that particular moment  In addition, the teacher probably does not have the time to have a heart-to-heart conversation with Anne.  If that is true, then will Anne particularly care how her behavior affects Ms Jones?

I went through Teacher Effectiveness Training back in the late 70s or early 80s  I see many good things in this approach to working with students.  However, there are parts of TET that I have come to believe are less effective.  I’ve come to those conclusions through using the strategies, observing others using the strategies, and through learning more about behavior, and linguistics

The words and tones we use convey messages beyond the simple meaning of the words.  There is the connotation, or underlying messages, in a communication.  If we think about the underlying messages that Ms. Jones is sending to Anne when she uses an “I Statement”, we can see some of the flaws in the strategy.  As mentioned previously, if Anne doesn’t already like Ms. Jones or care about how her behavior affects Ms Jones, then telling Anne about Ms. Jones feelings of hurt or sadness are unlikely to make Anne want to change.  Second, an oppositional student will use the knowledge that s/he is hurting the feelings of the other person as ammunition for further misbehavior directed at the teacher.  If Anne knows that mocking and mimicking the teacher hurts Ms. Jones’ feelings, and ruffles her feathers, then Anne is likely to act this way again in the future.  Remember, an oppositional person deliberately seeks to annoy or upset others.

“I Statements” simply do not work with THAT student, and, at worst, gives THAT student more leverage when she is engaging in oppositional behavior.

One may argue that if Ms. Jones wants to develop a better relationship with Anne, then her feelings have to come into play, that Ms. Jones is going to have to tell Anne how she feels because two people in a relationship of any kind must care about how the other is feeling.  While that is true, when Anne is being openly oppositional during a class, that is not the time to work on deepening the relationship.  It is also true that making statements that are likely to make Anne defensive won’t help much either.

Instead, using more neutral strategies would make sense.

Somewhere along the line, people began changing “I Statements” into phrasing directives in terms of what the other person needs, for example, “Anne, you need to do your math.”  The problem is Anne doesn’t feel any need to do math, and she doesn’t like math, so saying it is “you math” is likely to have Anne protesting that it is the teacher’s math, not hers.

In this case, being neutral means leaving “you” and “I” out of the mix.  Ms Jones does not want Anne to feel more defensive than she already does, so saying something like “you knock it off” wouldn’t work.  She doesn’t want to give Anne more ammunition, so saying something like “I feel hurt when you” doesn’t make sense.  She doesn’t phrase the directive in terms of anyone’s wants or needs.  The best approach is to try to redirect Anne while remaining calm and low key.  Something like this would work:  Ms Jones moves closer to Anne, but is standing a bit sideways presenting the smallest “barrier” or “threat” with her body  She says in a low, quiet voice, “Anne, get to work on the math problems.”  Or, “Anne, there is ten minutes left to do the math problems.”

Ms Jones has very simply stated what it is that Anne should do.

Here is a method I’ve used:

Step 1
Make sure you have the student’s attention by making eye contact, using the student’s name in a very calm, and business-like tone, or by using proximity.  Doing all three is best.

Step 2
State what you want the student to do.  Do not say what not to do.  Say what you want the student to do.  Use a calm, business-like tone, and use as few words as possible.

For example, do NOT say something like, “Anne, it’s time to take your math book out now, okay?”  or “Anne, it would be really nice if you would join us in doing math, so you need to get your math book out right now  Please?”  or “ANNE!  I told you to get your math book out right now!  Stop playing around and get to it!”  Or even, “Anne, I worry about you when you do not work on math because I don’t know how you will learn it without practice.”

The non-examples use too many words, put the directive in the form of a question, or demonstrate a loss of control by the teacher.  The student hears “okay?” or “please?” as making the behavior optional.  Shouting or becoming angry shows the student that his delaying strategy is working.  And putting the directive into an “I statement” just gives the student more ammunition for her defiance, or falls on deaf ears if the student doesn’t care what the teacher is feeling.

Saying “Anne, get to work on the math problems.  There is ten minutes left to do them” is clear and concise  There is no room for misunderstanding.

Step 3
Walk away!  Don’t give in to the impulse to breathe down the student’s neck.  Walk away and give the student 15 to 20 seconds to process the directive and to demonstrate that he is going to comply.

Step 4
If the student is showing ANY sign that he is beginning to comply with what you have told him to do, praise that partial effort.  Say, “Good  You have done the first problem.”.   Or say, “You have begun to work on that.  That’s a good start.”  And walk away again.

If the student has not begun to comply, you have a choice to make.  Will telling the student about a negative consequence that will happen if she continues help Anne understand what she is supposed to do, or is it best to further ignore Anne’s oppositional behavior?

In my opinion, the decision is rooted in what one can predict the outcome will be.  If the student’s defiance is quiet, if it is not harming anyone else’s learning,  and if the teacher believes that engaging with Anne about the behavior now would escalate the situation, then it would be acceptable to ignore the lack of compliance until later.  If the defiance is more overt, if it is distracting others in the class, or if it is preventing the teacher from teaching, then one must take the next steps.  That is, repeat the first 3 steps and add a choice.  For example, “Anne, you may choose to do these math problems now, or you may choose to do them during lunch.”

Then walk away!

Walking away means you cannot get sucked into an argument.  Remember, students  with ODD want to engage you in an argument.  You will not give the student more ammunition for her attempts to pull you into an argument or to make you lose your temper.  By presenting the choice in a calm, business-like manner, you are continuing to teach the class with minimal interruption.

Step 5
If the student has even partially complied, use positive feedback:  “Good, you have your book out.  Now turn to page 93.”  If the student has not complied in any way, follow through on the choices.  Use proximity and quietly say, “Michael, you chose to do this during lunch.  I will see you here in this room at 11:15.”

And walk away!  Become deaf to the face-saving behaviors the student might show.  These could be making a remark under his breath, or slamming the book on the desk top, or putting his head down and not participating in class at all.  Remember, s/he is doing this to try to engage you in an argument.  As long as the behavior is only preventing the student from learning the lesson planned for the day, ignore what the student is doing.  At this point, you only need to intervene if the student is preventing others from learning or the teacher from teaching.

Using this 5 step strategy means the teacher is not being controlled by the student’s behavior.  The teacher is being authoritative and not being either a doormat or aggressive.

There is a time and a place for using I statements.  They are very useful when two people have a working or personal relationship that both want to keep positive.  They do not work especially well with that student who is chronically defiant or oppositional.

The Passive-Aggressive Student

Do you recognize these students?

Katie
You have given the class a directive to do a certain assignment.  Katie gives a big sigh and rolls her eyes.  You look at her and raise your eyebrow.  Katie responds by saying, “No offense, but a whole lot of people think this is busy work.  Just saying.”

Michael
You tell the class to put away their markers and glue sticks, to get out their math books and do the warm-up exercises on page 98.  Michael seems to be making a career out of putting the caps onto his markers just so, making sure the glue stick is twisted back into the tube exactly this amount.  He spends some more time arranging the markers and glue stick in his desk, then gets up to sharpen a pencil.  He takes the long way back to his desk, and then spends a few minutes looking in his things for his math book.  The rest of the class has completed the warm-up exercise before Michael has even opened his book.

Ann
Ann knows the teacher is an avid Packer fan.  A few minutes into the class period she asks the teacher what he thinks the Packer’s odds are of wining over the Bears.  She asks this knowing that the teacher will begin to rant about this team or that team and their coaches.  When the teacher seems to slow down a bit, Ann asks another question to keep the teacher going.

All three of these students are displaying passive-aggressive behavior.  They may not be openly defying the teacher, but the result is the same.  Katie is using her “no offense” statement to deliberately insult the teacher’s ability to plan meaningful assignments.  Michael is using stalling tactics to avoid doing the math warm[up exercises.  Ann is attempting to make it so there is no lesson today in that class.

Ann, Katie and Michael have become THAT student, the one who can frustrate a teacher to the point where s/he loses control and begins to shout.  An openly aggressive student might holler, or pinch, or throw a book.  That is upsetting, but the passive end of the passive-aggressive spectrum is probably more frustrating.

Whether the student’s behavior is on the passive end of passive-aggressive behavior or the aggressive end, students (and sometimes teachers, friends, administrators, and parents) who are passive-aggressive are attempting to confuse, control, or punish other people with their behavior.  Aggressive behaviors generally send a clear, unambiguous message that X is not something the student is willing to do, or that Y has made him/her angry.  Students, and others, who attempt to manipulate others by being passive use a constellation of behaviors to confuse, control, or punish other people without being overtly aggressive or confrontational.

These passive but aggressive behaviors can be grouped into some common categories.

Subtle insults or digs:
Katie was using this strategy to let the teacher know what she thinks of the work the teacher has planned.  Starting the statement with “no offense, but” is a clear signal that what follows is meant to be offensive.  She then says that “a whole lot of people” to try to put numbers on her side, to imply that she is the only one honest enough to let you know what “everyone” is thinking.  Katie ends with “just saying”.  This phrase seems to be a way of saying that the speaker is supposed to be absolved of any insult, slight, or hurt that is the result of  what s/he just said.

Slow to respond or does not comply:
Michael used this tactic to express his feelings about the math warm-up exercise or about being made to stop doing what he was doing, a preferred activity.  He does everything he can think of to delay taking out his textbook.  If the teacher were to correct him or attempt to hurry him, he would probably act stricken and hurt that the teacher did not “allow” him to put his things away neatly or to have a pencil with a functioning point.

Another example of a delaying tactic is the student who cannot seem to move a millimeter without asking the teacher for help or to validate what s/he has done.  This is the student who asks 493 questions about an assignment, or who consistently asks the teacher to help him.  Many students who use this tactic have been successful in the past at getting the teacher to do the work for him.  For example, Michael asks the teacher for help with a math problem.  The teacher starts to talk Michael through the problem, but because Michael continues to act confused or frustrated, the teacher winds up saying, “Here, Ill show you” and does the problem for Michael

The silent treatment:
When a student does not respond to what the teacher says to him, he is giving the teacher the silent treatment.  A more frustrating version of this is the student who might roll his eyes, drag his feel, but slowly complies without speaking aloud, however the look on his face let’s the teacher know that, whatever it is, he is doing it under protest.

Students may also signal they are using the silent treatment by saying something, “Whatever” when told to do this or that.  This is saying, in effect, “I’m doing this under protest.”  It also makes sure the teacher, and fellow students know that THAT student is not happy.

Sabotage:
A student who is using sabotage might subtly but deliberately mess up her work, her group’s work, another student’s work, or the teacher’s work in order to avoid working or to let the other person know that she doesn’t approve, or is mad about this or something else.  It is tough sometimes to know what the student is mad about.  Students can deliberately sabotage by consistently leaving homework at home or in their lockers, by consistently “forgetting” to bring necessary supplies (when it is not an economic reason).  Sabotage can be as subtle as trying to get the teacher off on a tangent to avoid having a particular lesson or class  In my experience, high school and middle school students can be masters at this!

Keeping score:
In essence, keeping score is saying “I’ll do this if you do that” or “you did this to me so I am going to do this other thing.”  Students who keep score often will try to persuade the teacher to do this or that because the student has done this or that.  For example, Marcus says, “If I turn in my paper, what will you give me for it?”  or “Because you let me chew gum in class today, I will do what you have asked me to do now” or “You did not allow me to chew gum in class when Henry was chewing gum so I’m not going to comply with what you want.”

This last can happen even when the teacher didn’t know that Henry had gum.  A passive-aggressive student might try to pull the teacher into an argument about Henry chewing gum or the advantages of chewing gum, switching tactics from keeping score to sabotage.

Psychologists tell us that anger is the root cause of all of these behaviors.  The student might be angry at the teacher, at education in general, at his parents, or at the world.  However, for whatever reason, the student has learned that an outright expression of anger is not allowed.

Like many negative student behaviors, there may be very good reasons why the student has learned to act in this particular manner.  We could spend days looking at these reasons or fill a book with examples.  What we really want to know, though, is not its cause but how to cope with it in the classroom.

Here is a method I’ve used:

Step 1
Make sure you have the student’s attention by making eye contact, using the student’s name in a very calm, and business-like tone, or by using proximity.  Doing all three is best.

Step 2
State what you want the student to do.  Do not say what not to do.  Say what you want the student to do.  Use a calm, business-like tone, and use as few words as possible.

For example, do NOT say something like, “Michael, it’s time to take your math book out now, okay?”  or “Michael, it would be really nice if you would join us in doing math, so you need to get your math book out right now.  Please?”  or “MICHAEL!  I told you to get your math book out right now!  Stop playing around and get to it!”

The non-examples use too many words, put the directive in the form of a question, or demonstrate a loss of control by the teacher.  The student hears “okay?” or “please?” as making the behavior optional.  Shouting or becoming angry shows the student that his delaying strategy is working.

Instead say, “Michael, get your math book out now.”

This is clear and concise.  There is no room for misunderstanding.

Step 3
Walk away!  Don’t give in to the impulse to breathe down the student’s neck.  Walk away and give the student 15 to 20 seconds to process the directive and to demonstrate that he is going to comply.

Step 4
If the student is showing ANY sign that he is beginning to comply with what you have told him to do, praise that partial effort.  Say, “Good.  You have taken out the math book.  Now open it to page 93.”  Or say, “You have your math book out.  That’s a good start.”  And walk away again.

If the student has not begun to comply, repeat the first 3 steps and add a choice.  For example, “Michael, you may choose to get out your math book now, or you may choose to do the warm-up exercise during lunch.”

Then walk away!

Walking away means you cannot get sucked into an argument.  You will not “help” the student do something s/he is perfectly capable of doing.  And you are continuing to teach the class with minimal interruption.

Step 5
If the student has even partially complied, use positive feedback:  “Good, you have your book out.  Now turn to page 93.”  If the student has not complied in any way, follow through on the choices.  Use proximity and quietly say, “Michael, you have chosen to do this during lunch.  I will see you here in this room at 11:15.”

And walk away.  Become deaf to the face-saving behaviors the student might show.  These could be making a remark under his breath, or slamming the book on the desk top, or putting his head down and not participating in class at all.  As long as the behavior is only preventing the student from learning the lesson planned for the day, ignore what the student is doing.  You only need to intervene if the student is preventing others from learning or the teacher from teaching.

Using this 5 step strategy means the teacher is not being controlled by the student’s behavior.  The teacher is being authoritative and not being either a doormat or aggressive.

What if you have just realized you use passive-aggressive strategies to get a student to comply?  A teacher’s passive-aggressive behavior can trigger rebellion in some students, making the student into THAT student.  But a teacher has an advantage.  Teachers are grown-ups, and as grown-ups, we are much more capable of recognizing and changing our behavior than children are.  We can choose to adopt behaviors that are assertive, not manipulative.

You now know some of the warning signs of a student using passive-aggressive behaviors.  To get the student to do what you want him/her to do, remember to be direct, say what you want the student to do in clear, simple, positive terms.  If the student does not comply, use the steps above to tell the student what s/he must do to comply.  Don’t forget to praise partial compliance!

Is Seeing Believing?

He’s just lazy.

She just wants attention.

He is sneaky.

She doesn’t care.

We’ve all heard these statements or ones like them.  And they are true, aren’t they?

Well . . . maybe.

Apparently, human minds are wired to be able to speculate about what others are thinking or feeling.  When she was a cognitive neuroscientist at MIT, Rebecca Saxe discovered there is a specific part of the brain that becomes active when we think about how others think and feel (TED Talk, 2015).  Some scientists have hypothesized that the human brain evolved to be able to do this as a survival skill, an essential skill that enabled humans to determine if another was friend or foe.  However, experiments demonstrate that we do not always get it right.

Let’s try our own experiment.

Take a look at this photo of something you might see in your classroom:

What’s going on with this student?

Did you say he’s bored?

Working with pre-service teachers (aka, college students), I found that the majority said this student was bored.  Some said he was tired.  When asked why they said that, the students would say they could tell by the way he was sitting, or the expression on his face.

But do we really know what is going on in this kid’s mind?

When I was a principal, there were teachers who were very frustrated with a student.  “She’s lazy!” they said.  “She’s always daydreaming!”  “When I call on her, I never know if she is going to answer or just stare at me.”  “Sometimes she looks at me like I’m not even there, like she’s boring holes in my with her eyes.”  The teachers complained to me and to the parents.

These parents wondered if something else might be going on.  They took their daughter to the doctor, to a psychologist, and other specialists.  Eventually, they asked to set up a video camera in the classroom.  The camera was rigged so that the students would not know if it was on or off, and the student was filmed over the course of a week.

The result was that this little girl was diagnosed with petit mal seizures.  She wasn’t bored, or daydreaming, or staring holes in the teacher.  Her lack of attention was not something she was doing on purpose.  She had a serious medical issue — one that might not have been discovered if the parents had only relied on the opinion of the teachers.

So let’s look at this photo again.  What is going on with this student?

Well, yes, he could be bored.  He could be tired.  He might have a headache, or have a neck injury, or just being hungry.  He could be frustrated that he  was not called on.  He could be trying to keep up with the lesson even though he doesn’t feel well, or even though he doesn’t understand everything being said.

Would it make a difference in our beliefs about what this student is thinking if we were told he is a second language learner?  If we were told he was moved from one foster home to another in the middle of the night?  If we were told he had an IQ of 140?

The teachers who described the little girl who had the petit mal seizures thought they were accurately relaying information about her.  They were not trying to be malicious or trying to deal with her unfairly.  Sadly, they were labeling what they thought was going on rather than reporting exactly what they were seeing and hearing.

Back when I worked in juvenile corrections, I was trained to report only what was observable and measurable.  This was a difficult thing to learn to do, but it was essential to how this particular institution dealt with the students/inmates.  Why?  Well, because we really do not know what is going on inside another person’s mind.  We may pride ourselves on our ability to read body language or to spot “tells”, but we don’t always get it right.

On top of the chance at being inaccurate and unfair, when we use terms like “lazy”, “unmotivated”, “day-dreaming”, or “bored”, we are demonstrating that we have formed an opinion about the motives of the student, and that reveals the opinion we have formed about him or her.

In a previous post, I discussed how we form opinions of students that become self-fulfilling prophesies.  We develop an opinion about how capable the student is and then we treat her a little bit differently based on those beliefs.  We might call on her less if we think she is not as capable of answering a question.  We smile less at those students we believe are less capable, and we talk to them differently.  In short, we create a very different socio-emotional climate in the classroom for the students we believe are “good” or “better” than we do for those we believe are “less capable” or “naughty”.

However, if we are not always accurate about what we think is happening with a student, is that opinion fair?

Probably not.

The fact is we cannot see what is going on inside a student’s head.  The expressions and body language for many feelings and emotions are quite similar.

Perception is reality.
If you are perceived to be something, you might as well be it
because that’s the truth in people’s minds.
Steve Young

This phenomenon is something linguists have been exploring since the 1930s:  The words we use and how we label things shapes our thinking about those things.

Adults are usually better at masking what they are thinking than children are.  Adults have usually learned to pretend to pay attention, to be engaged, even when their brains are actually planning a grocery list, thinking that the speaker’s hairstyle is unflattering, or when thinking about how happy they will be so see their significant other later in the day.  But children do not have that skill, and while many will learn it as they enter adolescence, not everyone does.  Human brains do not reach full maturity until age 25 or so.

So what is the take-away?  If we have become frustrated with THAT student, we might find ourselves labeling what THAT student is doing as being something negative when it really might not be.  That negative opinion will have an effect on how we treat him or her, and how we treat THAT student effectives his or her behavior until s/he lives up or down to our opinion of him or her – if we believe s/he is a trouble-maker, s/he will become a trouble-maker even if s/he wasn’t beforehand.

Yes, humans are wired to make assumptions about others based on what we see, but we must remember, sometimes we get it wrong.

If we really want to turn THAT student around, we have to train ourselves to report on just what we see and hear, what is observable and measurable.

One has not only an ability to perceive the world but an ability to alter one’s perception of it; more simply, one can change things by the manner in which one looks at them.
Tom Robbins

 

We will look at some other uses for using observable and measurable terms in another post.

 

Where Do Those Opinions Come From?

In the last post, we looked at how the self-fulfilling prophesy can affect teachers and students, and a way to start changing those expectations.  But how do we get these ideas about kids in the first place?  We will look at that and at another idea for working with THAT student.

Have you ever heard another teacher say something like, “Oh, well, you know she’s my BD kid,” or “What can you expect with parents like that?” or “Can you believe that kid was allowed to leave the house dressed like that?”  All of those statements show that a teacher has formed a certain opinion about a student, and that s/he believes the other teachers share that opinion.

We form opinions about things all day long.  Our opinions are based upon a set of rules our brains have set up to keep us safe, emotionally and physically.  Those mental rules are based on our experiences, our up-bringing, and our values and beliefs.  The brain evaluates whatever is in our environment based on those rules and sends messages that govern the way we think and the way we act.  We are not always conscious of the rules our brain has set up for us, but we are influenced by those rules anyway.  (If you want to read a short article on how we form opinions of others, look at this brief overview:  https://psychologenie.com/how-do-we-form-impressions-about-others )

(When the brain’s rules add up to “threat” the body responds in a way that we label “stress”!  Understanding how and why we form opinions can help us manage our stress levels.)

Most schools are based on middle class values and norms (Indiana University, 2016).  Anything that falls outside of those values tends to be looked at as something that is not desirable and a threat to the environment.  Add to the mix our experiences as brand new teachers who were not particularly adept at classroom management.  Our experiences with students who act out become part of our belief system about who is and who is not capable in the classroom.  Toss into the mix what other teachers have said about this or that kid and their families, what we read in a student’s file, and experiences with THAT student’s family, siblings, or friends.  Remember, the brain’s rules are set up to keep us safe from threats, so anything that deviates from what it sees as normal is perceived as a threat to our school environment and “threat” translates as “stressor”.

So our opinions, usually unconscious, are based on our beliefs and experiences.  But research shows that there are certain student characteristics that will most likely cause the teacher to mentally classify the student as being less capable than other students.  Take a look at these characteristics:

  • Gender – believing that boys or girls are better at X; this could also be when a child of one gender does things that are usually associated with the other gender, like boys who cry easily or girls who get into fist fights
  • Socio-economic status – believing that those who live in poverty behave or act in certain ways and believing that those with more money than the norm behave in certain ways
  • Ethnicity – this can include things like being from a different religion than the majority of the students or adults in the school
  • Cultural background – culture is a complex topic, but the short version is this: if a student’s culture differs from the teacher’s or the majority of the students s/he can be viewed as less capable
  • Previous experience with siblings or relatives – believing that if a student’s older sibling behaved in a certain way, this student will, too.
  • Clothing – if a student wears dirty clothes, clothes that are dissimilar to other students, clothes that are too big or too small, clothes that would be more appropriate on an older or younger child, etc.
  • Hygiene – a student who appears dirty or who smells, and students who do things like pick their noses, wipe their noses on their hands or sleeves.
  • Being “too quiet” or “too loud”
  • Having a chronically messy desk or locker, or turning in work that is messy or crumpled
  • Acting immaturely
  • Parents who are different from the parents of other children
  • Labels – students who are labeled as needing extra help, who have been classified as needing special education or Title I help are often viewed as less capable

I have never met a teacher who would say s/he treats any student poorly.  Every teacher would say she believes wholeheartedly that every student can learn and that s/he treats students equally.  And I believe every teacher truly wants to treat each and every student with love and compassion.  But our values and beliefs can get in the way.  Remember, much of our opinions are formed unconsciously.

No matter how a teacher forms his beliefs that certain students are more capable than others,  what happens as a result of those beliefs is that he treats the students differently in very subtle ways.  He smiles more at those he thinks are more capable.  He directs certain kinds of questions to the students he believes are more capable and a different kind of questions to those he believes are less capable.  She calls on students to answer different kinds of questions based on her beliefs about the students.  In short, the teacher creates a very different kind of social and emotional climate in the classroom for those she believes are more or less capable than others.  And this happens in the exact same classroom at the exact same time.

Students are perceptive and they can tell if a teacher likes them, or if a teacher seems stressed out when interacting with them.

So if this is mostly unconscious, how do we change it?  The first thing to do is to look for good things about each student.  You were asked to do that in the last blog post.  The next thing is this:

Look at the bulleted list above and think about whether or not THAT student fits into any of those categories.  If s/he does, think about how you might be treating him/her differently than other students.  If nothing particularly comes to mind, don’t panic.  Remember, much of this is unconscious.

Next, resolve to get to know THAT student a little better.  What does THAT student do when not in school?  What makes THAT student laugh?  What does THAT student know a lot about?  What does THAT student want to be when s/he grows up?  Now, you may not always like or approve of the answers to those questions, but that is not the point.  The idea is to get to know THAT student a little bit better.

The final thing to do, to improve classroom management, is to try to set a friendly tone for THAT student and for all the students entering the classroom.  Harry and Rosemary Wong recommend greeting every student at the door.  Standing at the door and saying, “Good morning” or “How are you today?” or “Did you see that play in the last quarter?” to each student is a step towards creating a friendly, respectful classroom environment.  If you want to take another step forward, try shaking hands with each student as s/he is about to enter.  This isn’t as easy as it sounds.  When we have had negative experiences with a student, it is much more difficult to look at him/her directly, to smile at him/her, let alone shake his/her hand.  On the other hand, it is a bit more difficult to act negatively towards someone you’ve greeted in this way.

Remember, there are no magic bullets when trying to turn around THAT student.  Celebrate your baby steps.  You may even want to make a little, secret list of the things you’ve done to create a positive relationship with THAT student, and try to add something to that list every day.

 

Next time we will look at another idea you can start using right away with THAT student.

Post Script:  Immediately after publishing this post, I stumbled over this article about a new study that shows amazing things that happen because teachers greet students at the door.  You can read the article here:  https://www.educationdive.com/news/new-study-suggests-that-greeting-students-with-a-positive-message-yields-be/532359/

Ashley Peterson-DeLuca, C. M. (2016, October 11). Top five qualities of effective teachers, according to students. Retrieved September 23, 2018, from Pearson Education: https://www.pearsoned.com/top-five-qualities-effective-teachers/

Indiana University. (2016, August). Teachers Favor Middle Class Behaviors by Students. Retrieved September 23, 2018, from Science Daily: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/08/160823125631.htm

Sezer, S. (May 2017). Novice Teachers’ Opinions on Students’ Disruptive Behaviours: A Case Study. Eurasian Journal of Educational Research (EJER), 199-219.

Wong, H. and Wong, R. (2018). The First Days of School: How to be an effective teacher 5e. Harry K. Wong Publications.

Help for Working with THAT KID

Does this sound familiar?

You cringed just a little when you saw that name on your class lists.  You’ve heard from last year’s teachers about THAT KID, and the news wasn’t good.  You sigh, and think, “Okay, I will do my best and hope that over the summer THAT KID grew up a bit or learned to behave.”

The school year starts and you’ve prepared well.  Things start out pretty well, but THAT KID has crossed the line a few times already.  You give the consequences you’ve specified in your discipline plan, but THAT KID doesn’t seem to care and continues to push the limits.  You’ve called home but the parents were hostile and defensive.  You’ve sent THAT KID to the office, but that didn’t help.  Your stress level increases.  You start to wonder why THAT KID is never sick.   You’ve done just about everything you can think of except deciding to move to France.  The mere mention of that kid’s name makes you tense up.

What are you going to do?

That is what we are going to look at in this blog:  Just what you can do to turn THAT KID around, or at least give you some peace and less stress.

THAT KID could be any kid, at any age, male or female, rich or poor, any race or ethnicity, any religion or creed, any level of intelligence.  However, it is more likely that certain kids get a reputation for being difficult.  We will look at that in the next post.

Let’s look at one of the reasons why THAT KID seems to push your buttons.

Have you ever considered buying a certain car (or other item)?  You’ve given it some careful thought and you think you know what you want.  Suddenly, you start seeing that particular kind of car almost everywhere – in the grocery parking lot, waiting for the light to change, going down the street past your house.

You’ve just experienced something called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.  Some people call it a frequency illusion.  (You can read a quick article on this phenomenon at https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/baader-meinhof-phenomenon.htm or a short definition by the person who named this phenomenon, Arnold M. Zwicky, at https://web.stanford.edu/~zwicky/LSA07illude.abst.pdf )  What has happened is that your brain has been put on alert to notice a particular thing.  Then when you see it, your thinking about that thing is confirmed –“Yep, I knew it!  That car is the best because everyone seems to have one!”

When we translate this into the classroom, what happens is this:  You’ve heard X about THAT KID and your brain is subconsciously alerted to notice the things you’ve heard about THAT KID.  Now, your brain does the same thing with the kids that have a reputation for being angelic.  For example, if you’ve heard that Ellie is helpful and kind to others, when you see her whispering to another student, your brain thinks, “Yes, there it is.  Ellie is helping that other student.”  That’s great, but the opposite is also true.  When you see THAT KID whispering to another student, your brain associates that behavior with the negative things you’ve heard and you think, “Oh, THAT KID!  I wonder what he’s plotting now?”

Every teacher consciously believes that s/he gives every student an equal chance to succeed, however the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon contributes to a self-fulfilling prophesy, something that happens without our conscious effort.  It works like this:  you develop a particular idea about a student; you see the student do something and attribute that behavior to what you’ve heard about the kid; that confirms what you’ve been told.  That confirmation means we look for the behavior all the more, and that means we act a bit differently towards that kid and s/he lives up or down to the expectations our behavior has communicated to him/her.  What’s worse, the whole process is subconscious.

Let’s be very, very clear – we do not do this consciously.  This is unconscious, and not done on purpose!  Few if any teachers consciously think:  I can’t wait to treat THAT KID differently than I do the rest of the class.

This information is all well and good, but what can you do right now, today, to start to relieve your stress?

Try this:  make a list of good things about THAT KID.  This isn’t always easy, especially if THAT KID has been a thorn in your side for a while.  However, by consciously thinking, “I want to notice good things about THAT KID,” you start to break the cycle of the self-fulfilling prophesy.  For example, you might start to eavesdrop when THAT KID whispers to another and find out THAT KID is just asking to borrow a pencil, or you may hear THAT KID is asking if the other student wants to borrow something.

It’s that simple:  start to really look for good things about that kid.  Yes, it may be difficult to do, but there are rewards that are almost immediate.  First, it is much more pleasurable to look for positive things than it is to only notice negative things.  Second, you are less stressed when you think about positives because when you do not notice mostly negative things your body does not react as if you are in a threatening situation.  Third, you begin to chip away at that self-fulfilling prophesy which is the start of a turn-around for THAT KID.

Give it a try!

 

Next time we will look at how kids get a negative reputation.  You may be surprised at some of the ways.

by Kathryn Roe